I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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