just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
