We won't sleep together?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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