we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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