the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
