i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize