im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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