listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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