nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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