yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's always time for handjobs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
