She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
