saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
