is your mom at the bar?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
