Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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