I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
