the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
