Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize