Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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