Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
