I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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