I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
