I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize