True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dicks are not precious.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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