the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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