Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And then he peed in my hair
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