i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
