nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
