He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
