Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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