it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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