I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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