literally had 100 drinks last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
