My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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