Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had sex on a roof
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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