I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
