His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
