I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My life is pants optional.
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