I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize