Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
