we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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