Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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