Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
