I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
