You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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