if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
