the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
