Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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