I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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