That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
