is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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