The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
