Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
