shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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