She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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