don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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