i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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