The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
