The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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