my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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