disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
