Im at strip club and am horny
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
