Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
