His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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