I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
