come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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