I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
