sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
