guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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