Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
