You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize