Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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