Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
