Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize