And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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