Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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