I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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